


entropy

by truehumandisaster



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, M/M, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), steve's ending scene but Do It Better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:21:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22095532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/truehumandisaster/pseuds/truehumandisaster
Summary: might there be one world, somewhere, where james buchanan barnes might be happy. might it be that steve rogers, some time, would be the one to make it happen.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers
Comments: 1
Kudos: 36





	1. Part I

They dance together in a place that’s not hers or his, and it’s wonderful -- truth is, it’s like a dream, something halfway between heaven and hell. She feels just like he remembered, all sharp edges and wry smiles. He feels...different, he knows. He’s not the Steve that went down in the water a week ago (her week ago); he’s not Captain America. When they dance in a safehouse though, it doesn’t seem to matter. They’re alright, the two of them; they’ll be alright.

* * *

She leaves him there while she tries to sort it all out. What else do you do when you’ve got two Steve Rogers in the same timeline now? She’s got a headache that started at the base of her skull, and she’s trying not to have a bloody panic attack. She feels as if she has just begun to understand this world of glowing cubes and madmen; now, she is told there is a world that has existed and exists now and _time travel_ and -- 

He does not even tell her everything. She knows there is more. She sees recognition flicker on his face when she mentions SHIELD, she sees his jaw tighten. He will tell her, he insists. She can’t wait for it. If there is time travel, there is danger, and it is a danger that she cannot fully understand. She needs Howard Stark. 

* * *

Steve is tired. He doesn’t fight the tests, doesn’t argue with Peggy. Stark pokes and prods him and talks about theories faster than Steve can keep up, but Steve just nods along. He knows he’s causing a rift in time more than a mile wide, but he doesn’t fight that either. They’d already messed things up, hadn’t they? What was one more displaced soul? 

Peggy watches him with wide eyes, and they don’t dance again. 

“You plan on going back?” Stark asks him. 

“Some day,” he answers. 

He thinks of Sam Wilson, the lines around his eyes that crinkle. He thinks about the years he spent without him. He thinks of sitting in a room with strangers, gently telling them to move on. He thinks of how Sam told him the same. 

He thinks of Bucky -- he thinks of Bucky. 

* * *

“You can’t leave,” Howard says, and it is almost funny that the man thinks he can stop Steve Rogers. It is almost funny how he is small and afraid and thinks he is smarter than a son who does not yet exist. Steve pities him, true as anything else. 

“Steve.” Peggy’s voice is stronger than Howard’s, and it stops Steve. She takes his hand, and he holds hard. He’d marry her, he’s pretty damn sure -- her, all dressed in white, and him, all dressed to match. It’s in the shake of his hand, the quake in his knees. He’s built her up so much through the years, he falls in love with the breath between her words. “Have you thought this through?” she asks instead. 

“About as much as anything else,” he answers.

“That’s not as reassuring as you may believe, darling.” 

She smiles at him, and he knows they’ll be alright, the two of them. Just not together. 

* * *

Steve Rogers arrives in Russia in the middle of a storm. The wind howls, eating his plane alive, and his pilot keeps glancing at him as if Steve is madder than a Titan. 

“Do not think we will land,” the pilot yells, but Steve’s already ready for that. He’s got a parachute on his back, and he pulls open the door of the plane with one firm yank. 

“Don’t need to,” he yells back, and out he goes. The pilot yells something else, but Steve doesn’t need to hear it. He’s done this a hundred times and will probably do it a hundred times more before he leaves. Retirement’s never been in the cards for him. 

But this mission? He’s chosen it himself. 

* * *

_Peggy,_

Here’s a truth, madder than hell: the end of the world happens, and I survive. I survive for a whole five years, and I’d keep on surviving longer than that but someone had to come back. Wasn’t meant to be a permanent thing. There were things that needed returning, and who better to do that than me? Man out of time, that’s what they called me. I’m used to it. The others didn’t need that on top of, well, everything else. 

Here’s another truth, and I know it’s a sad one: I came back because I’m selfish. And people don’t believe that. They still see all stars and stripes and holy games. They think golden hero and blinding light and god knows what else. You always knew me better than that. I’d bend hell and fight heaven for a few people. 

You’re one of them, of course. So listen to me. Just this once. HYDRA’s not dead. They’ll choke your mission from the inside out if you’re not careful. There’s too much to say in a letter, but just… Just be careful, alright? SHIELD’s never been a pure thing. It can be better though. 

But that’s not all. The other thing. I came back for another reason, and this one’s more complicated. Just know if you hear things about me, I got good reasons. I’ll try not to start any wars. 

_Steve_   
  
P.S. Pull me out of the ice, will you? He’s the right Steve for this place, not me. I’ll be gone long before there’s two of us running around, don’t worry. 

* * *

They capture Steve two miles from the base, and he doesn’t put up a fight. He’s got no shield, no weapons -- he just holds his arms up in the air, and they deliver a hard punch to his stomach. Oh, the soldiers have got a lot to say. They’re cursing him in three different languages. They’re taking the name Red Skull like it means something godly. They’re talking about his death, but he knows they won’t kill him here. They love a good show too much. 

One thing he can always count on: HYDRA loves suffering.

He breaks through the handcuffs when they finally lead him inside. He laughs, an honest-to-God laugh, when they start shooting at him. Doesn’t even feel it when a bullet grazes him. He already plotted out the path he has to take -- down the hallway, the room to the right. Break the lock. Open the drawer. 

There’s no name, of course. No location. But there’s a phrase, written down in a handwriting that twists in him, way down deep: _the Winter Soldier_. Right now, it’s enough. He shoves the file into his jacket and grabs the gun on the desk. 

* * *

_Sam_ ,

You told me once you were put there just to watch -- put in the sky, flying high as the clouds, just to see Riley… Well, you know the story better than I do. But I think about that a lot. That moment of honest-to-god helplessness. And I understand. God knows I understand. Felt it more times than I wish.

But if you could change that, if you could go back to that moment and knock him out of the sky before hurt ever found him -- you would, wouldn’t you? Even if it changed the whole damn planet. Even if it changed you. 

I stopped thinking things happened for a reason a long time ago. 

_Steve_

P.S. More and more these days, I find myself thinking… What would Sam Wilson do? It’s funny how I’m hopping through time like a damn grasshopper, but I still keep thinking: man, I wish we’d got more time, me and Sam. Always comes back to a matter of time. 

* * *

Steve starts going to warehouses that he visited before, in the future. Some aren’t HYDRA facilities yet, some are. He’s out of practice with it, and he ends up hiding in a hole for a week once, just waiting for the shot in his stomach to heal up nice and pretty. 

And every time he finally makes it inside one of the facilities, one of the few that’s in use this timeline, there’s no trace of the Winter Soldier. 

Here’s another thing Steve can count on, even here, even now: HYDRA is good at this. They survived only through hiding, and they hide well. And word is spreading fast among them, faster than he would’ve liked. 

He swallows hard when he finds that yet another of the facilities doesn’t even exist yet. It’s just an empty lot, dirt and dirt and more dirt. He’s never been good at this alone, he knows this. He looks at the unpaved area, and he wants to scream, wants to tear down a building with his bare hands. He needs a team.

(God, he missed Natasha.) 

And then he thinks -- _the war’s ended, hasn’t it? It’s 19-fucking-46. The war’s ended a year now._

Across the planet, a group of men gather for a drink. 

* * *

_Natasha,_

I don’t know what I would’ve done if I lost you too. Those five years, when everyone was gone, when everyone was taken, and it was me and you -- I didn’t think I’d be able to last, but you looked at me, and I thought: we’ve been here before, you and me. We’ve stood on the edge of Sokovia, the edge of the world, and we survived it. We’ll survive this. You and me. 

But we don’t have to do it alone anymore. I don’t know if I remember how to survive with others. I don’t know if I’ll ever remember it. 

_Steve_

* * *

Funny -- Steve hasn’t seen Bucky’s hair this short since… Well, it’s been a good long while. 

The man’s unconscious, shallow breathing and shallow bleeding on the operating table. Steve’s been quick to get here, but it’s been almost a year now. Not quick enough, not really.

He pulls out the communicator, the one Peggy gave him before he left. _Press this, and someone will be there to pick you up._ She cupped his cheek in her hand when she said it, pressed a delicate kiss to him. _It doesn’t matter where you are, do you understand? Someone will be there_. 

He puts the communicator in Bucky’s hand and presses it. 

There are dead men down the hall. Smoke is pouring into the sky from the other building, Steve can see it through the cracked window. HYDRA tried moving Bucky again and again, but Steve had been here before. Not yet. But he would. It’s the same place the twins were kept. 

There are alive men down the hall too, yelling at him to hurry the hell up. The final run of the Howling Commandos, saving one of their own. Marching straight into hell. Going back to war when the war’s done. There’s not time to say anything to them. He just hopes it’s enough. He hopes, in one world, in one universe, Bucky Barnes gets a damn chance. That they all get a chance. 

He presses a kiss to Bucky’s forehead, and it’s the same kind of kiss Peggy gave him. Goodbye’s always been their favorite word, the three of them. 

On his other hand, he wears the device that brought him back here, back to the past. That’ll take him back to the future, back home. 

“Cap --?” Gabe walks in just as Steve’s pressing the button. 

There’s a stretching, a pulling, a loud sound, and Steve Rogers is gone again. 

* * *

_Bucky,_

We’ve said it more times than I can count, and always at the worst of it: _‘til the end of the line_ , right? You and me and the end of it all. But the end’s a tricky thing. We forget the world can end with a whimper as well as a bang, and for us, it’s ended both ways. Again and again, to where ghosts don’t have meaning anymore but words do. I’ve seen you die more than once. You’ve seen me go just the same. But now, well now, we’re going past the line, past the end. 

It doesn’t make much difference to you -- to the you I know, to the you that’s been through it all, but it’ll make a difference to this one. I’ll find you. I’ll pull you past the line, to some safe spot in between here and there. See, I’ve given up on retirement, but that doesn’t mean I’ve given up on you. 

See you soon, pal. One way or another. 

_Steve_

P.S. I’ll come home at the end of this, and we’ll go to the Grand Canyon, you hear me? You and me and a whole sky full of stars. The lecture can come after. 

* * *

Steve comes back. 

For him, it’s been just a year. For the others, standing there, looking like they’re ten shades of confused, it’s been just a few minutes. Sam has got his eyes on the platform, yipping away at Bruce like he might have something to do with all the confusion. Bucky knows what he’s done, right away. It’s in the sly expression, the press of his lips. He’s looking past the platform -- he’s looking for someone, for Steve. 

Steve comes from the other direction. He watches ‘em for a moment. There’s a certain glory to it: seeing them after so long without it. It twists in his guts, and he thinks -- _I hope it means something. What I did._

Bucky turns around at the first crack of a branch under Steve’s boot. Whatever Bucky’s expecting, there’s something that shocks him. 

“I thought you’d be older,” Bucky says. His voice is tight. “Didn’t think you’d choose this.” 

“Well,” Steve says, and it’s the end of a sentence. How can he explain it all here, now? How can he say that there’s got to be some place, somewhere that they get to be happy? How can he say that they might be happy here too? 

“Have fun?” Sam asks, and he knows it too -- something went wrong, something went right. 

“The mission’s done,” Steve answers. It’s enough for now. “Let’s go home.”


	2. Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> might there be one world, somewhere, where james buchanan barnes and steve rogers might be together. at the same time.

It turns out not much changes, even after the ending of the war. 

(And he has to keep saying that to himself too: the war’s done, James. The war’s done.) 

Bucky can’t stand having his own room though, can’t stand the thought of footsteps passing by in the hallway, the click of boots on concrete floors. Turns out that it doesn’t much matter if it’s a SHIELD facility or a HYDRA facility -- they smell the same, all hard work and the fire of ammunition; they sound the same too. Doctors prodding him and questions getting asked of him. The clank of metal walls and a metal arm. 

They don’t tell him much else, other than he’s safe now. They say that again and again. Even Peggy gets in on it, telling it to him again and again. He laughs straight in her face when she says it, and it’s the last time she tells him that. She’s honest enough afterward, dancing around the subject of _him_ with a grace he almost admires. She tells him he can go, if he wants, but he shouldn’t go far.

So Bucky starts sleeping in Gabe’s living room. It’s a small apartment, but he’s used to the weight of Gabe stepping around him -- the man trying, and sometimes failing, to be quiet in the morning. It’s familiar, like the pair of ‘em were still out in the field. On those days, when Bucky’s lost between memories and now, he reaches out, expecting to feel the warmth of Steve beside him. It’s always a shock when there’s nothing but static air. 

And, ‘course, Peggy can still find him there, unsurprised by it all. Gabe starts straightening the room even as she’s walking in, muttering out an apology and shooting her glances like he’s got something to hide. 

“You may have information that we need,” she tells Bucky. Her eyes are hard, her lips pressed in a tight line. Bucky wonders if Steve ever saw this side of her -- the agent, the orchestrator -- or if this part of her’s new, fresh to her as well. Either way, it suits her just fine. He knows she’ll do what it takes. She continues, “And that information may mean we ask you to come back, Sergeant Barnes. I am sorry if it does.” 

“I ain’t doing much else,” he says in return. His voice is still hollow. He has not been able to capture the tone it used to be: the easy rise and fall of it, the slight clip in the words. He doesn’t recognize his voice anymore -- but, then again, he has not spoken much in the past year. 

“We think you may know what happened to HYDRA.” 

* * *

His first time out on the ship, everyone’s sicker than dogs, throwing up off the side and clutching their stomachs to try and hold in the rest. Bucky’s the only one standing straight, not even feeling the chill of the outside air. He’s in between SHIELD missions, only allowed to do this in between missions. His gaze is steady steel. 

“They want to turn the ship around,” Gabe tells him before promptly leaning over the side. The sounds that come from him are enough to make anyone sick right alongside him, but Bucky’s heard worse. He even holds onto the back of the man’s jacket to make sure he doesn’t fall when the ship gives a sudden lurch. Gabe pulls himself up again, wiping the back of his hand across his mouth. “Storm’s getting worse.” 

Ice breaks under the ship, and for a second, Bucky thinks he might as well jump through it. How long could he hold his breath? Longer than any man had a right to. It’d probably be faster than this. But he doesn’t want to die. It’s the most shocking part about his life now: he doesn’t want to die. 

Steve’s down there, Peggy told him. She doesn’t tell him much else. She hasn’t told him much else since he’s come back to work -- not how he got pulled out of HYDRA, not how it’s possible for Steve to be down here when he was apparently walking around a few weeks ago. Even the Howling Commandos don’t have answers; they just tell him that Steve came back when he should have been dead and disappeared just as fast. This is all Bucky’s got to go on: Steve’s down there, below the ice, frozen and waiting for him. HYDRA’s out there, in the world still, quiet and waiting too. 

Howard stopped looking for Steve a long time ago. _I know he’ll show up,_ the man says, not explaining how he says it with such certainty. Even Peggy says she’s ready to move on, but she gives Bucky this assignment so maybe she’s not as ready as she says. _Steve’s girl…_ Talking to her always hurts a part of Bucky he doesn’t like. 

Bucky takes a breath of the sharp, cold air, and feels it settle in his lungs. 

“Not yet,” he tells Gabe. “I just want to look a while longer.” 

* * *

Almost a year later, Gabe tells Bucky he’s got to move out soon. He’s nervous when he says it, but Bucky figured this should have come a long time ago. 

“It’s got nothing to do with you,” Gabe tells him. Bucky raises a brow, pressing his lips tight to keep from laughing something awful. Gabe holds up his hands and gives a shake of his head. “I got a lady friend, see? I’d like her to come around more often, and I think she’d kill me if you were in the other room.” 

This does make Bucky burst out laughing. 

“I’m sure she’s got a friend,” Gabe suggests. “If you’re interested.” 

This only makes Bucky laugh harder. It sounds so much like all those conversations with Steve, repeated a hundred times in a hundred ways. Only Gabe’s looking so damn earnest, so willing to help poor Bucky, and Bucky had only ever looked at Steve with a challenge on his face. 

“I’ll get my own place,” Bucky finally manages to say. 

“I’m sorry,” Gabe says, not meaning it at all. 

* * *

Peggy Carter and Gabriel Jones get married a year later, shocking damn near everyone.

The Howling Commandos hoot and holler as the pair say their vows, and since there aren’t too many others at the ceremony, their hoots and hollers carry far and wide. Even Bucky joins in. He’s not sure what to say. He’s not sure when Peggy stopped being in his mind as _Steve’s girl_ and started being in his mind as just Peggy. He’s not sure why the hollow in his chest squeezes as the pair share a kiss. 

Bucky’s been lonely plenty of times before. This feels different. 

They all drink too much. Bucky doesn’t feel the liquor at all. 

“James,” Peggy pulls him aside, eyes sliding across the crowd. She’s got reflexes like he does, and they just won’t fade. She cups his cheek in her hand, and he leans into it, nearly closing his eyes. “Do you remember?

“Remember what, Peg?” 

“Remember how to live,” she says softly. Her voice is steady, like maybe she’s not as drunk as he thinks. “It’s been more than a year. I am _not_ telling you to give up. But do you really think Steve would want you wasting your freedom? Take a break, darling. It is fine to breathe, if just for a moment.”

He thinks about it, about what it would mean to choose his own path, about what it would mean to move on like everyone else in the world. He thinks about a memory, the softest and most blurred of memories: the ghost of lips on his forehead, the barest glimpse of blue eyes before they disappear. God he wishes he could. He wishes he wasn’t so damn tired, that his hands didn’t shake every time he walked into his lonely apartment. He wishes he belonged in this time like the rest of them. 

He opens his eyes, pulling back from her. “You going to tell me what happened?” 

He knows it’s the answer she was expecting. Her expression does not change. 

“You know that Steve saved you from HYDRA.” 

“Yeah, we’ve been through that much.” 

“It wasn’t our Steve,” she says. “That’s all I know.” 

She’s lying. He’s not sure when she stopped being Peggy and started being Director Carter, but he imagines it’s been that way for longer than he thought. He thinks about pressing her, about demanding to know more, but he knows this too would be useless. Peggy Carter-Jones has told him all she’s going to tell him, and he’s got to live with that.

Bucky is back on the ship the next day. He doesn’t show up for his next two SHIELD missions. 

* * *

_Steve,_

It turns out not much changes, even after the ending of the war. 

We keep missing each other. I used to think we were so lined up with one another that the only explanation was being born from the same star. All that dust, all that matter, recycling down until there we stood, the two of us. But something’s wrong, and we keep missing each other now. You save me, I save you, you save me, you disappear. It’s my turn, isn’t it? But no matter how hard I try, I can’t do it. I can’t find you. 

I keep thinking about what Peggy said: it wasn’t our Steve. 

I’m not proud of what I did next. Cornering Stark like that. But I knew he was more likely to tell me than she was, and I was right. He just couldn’t help himself, not really. Had to brag about it. About understanding it all. 

Even then, I only got a small part of it. Something to do with time, huh? What kind of mess did you get yourself into, you goddamn idiot? And the thing is, it sounds like our Steve. Like you. Who else would do something so completely stupid? 

Nothing changes. Not really. 

Maybe I was never meant to be found like this, without you. 

I’ll keep looking. Life’s only life when I’m looking out for you. 

_Bucky_

* * *

It’s been almost five years to the day since Steve found Bucky in a bunker when Bucky finds Steve, buried in ice. 

Bucky’s changed. Of course he’s changed. His hair’s longer, curling around his ears. He’s got new clothes and new kinds of laughter -- laughter that’s shallow, laughter that’s hopeless, laughter that’s hopeful. He’s one of the most experienced in the Arctic Sea now, and the crew looks to him for what to do when they find the ship that Captain America downed in the war. 

“Call Director Carter-Jones,” he says softly. “This one’s waited long enough.” 

* * *

_Steve_

I know you’re all sorts of disoriented right now. Peggy told me it’d be best to wait awhile to see you, since I’m one of the things that’ll make you more confused. I told her to go to hell and slipped this note under your pillow when you weren’t looking. Sorry for the handwriting. Sorry even more I’m not there when you wake up. 

Guess I should start with: I’m alive. It’s a long, ugly story. Don’t worry about it right now. 

Second thing: It’s been six years since you put the plane down. Let’s just rip the bandaid off of that one. 

There’s more to say, but I’m not the one that should say it. 

Last thing: Take a deep breath. You aren’t alone. 

_Yours,_

_Bucky_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> considering making more one shots within this universe. steve and bucky, alive and together throughout the century? both of them, relearning how to live -- this time together? two super soldiers that the government knows about, that the government wants to use? the possibilities! let me know if you're interested! :-) and thanks for reading!


End file.
